


Dean's Eulogy to Castiel Ficlet

by finedininganddestiel



Category: Supernatural, Twist and Shout - Fandom, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, I Can Dig Elvis, M/M, Supernatural - Freeform, Supernatural x The Fault in Our Stars crossover, The fault in our stars, Twist and Shout, crossovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-21 20:31:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2481449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finedininganddestiel/pseuds/finedininganddestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A ficlet set in Twist and Shout and a scene stolen from The Fault In Our Stars. Dean reading his Eulogy for Cas in the hospital chapel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dean's Eulogy to Castiel Ficlet

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Twist and Shout](https://archiveofourown.org/works/537876) by [gabriel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabriel/pseuds/gabriel), [standbyme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/standbyme/pseuds/standbyme). 



When Dean walked into the hospital's chapel he saw Cas sitting there waiting, sitting there next to Sammy. Cas turned slowly as Dean walked in, hearing the door close softly behind Dean. Cas smiled when he saw him, his eyes focusing in on the ever fading present,

"Hey, Dean.", Cas said quietly, Sam looking up from his lap at Cas's words, and meeting Dean's eyes gave a slight nod. Cas had been fading in and out rapidly, his lucidity fading more and more each day. But today it was not. Today Cas sat in front of him ever present and strong, like a summer storm, thrashing the world around it. In that second Dean saw the Cas he remembered, the Cas he saw the last time he had seen him before this, before Dean had left.

Dean walked up to Cas, kneeling down in front of him and grabbing his hand, taking in every feature on Cas's face, every piece of him that he knew so well,

"Hey, babe. What are you doing out of bed? At this hour? We should get you back to the room, you need rest-", Dean said quietly, concern rushing over his features like a wave of neverending exhaustion, softening his features. Cas grabbed Dean's hand tightly, his words cutting Dean's own off shortly,

"No, Dean. I know-", Cas took a breath, closing his eyes to hold back his tears, squeezing Dean's hands as tight as he could manage,

"I know I'm dying Dean. My memory- It's fading. I've already lost so much time.", Cas opened his eyes, locking his onto Dean, his Dean, trying so hard to retain that tough composure. He saw Dean's eyes trying not to spill the tears already pooling there, and he brushed them away as he spoke,

"I've been losing things already, I'm forgetting you. I'm forgetting us.", Cas's voice wavered as he said those words, and he could hear Dean taking in a shaky breath, and Cas hated himself for dying, hated himself for putting Dean through this emotional Hell, and he tried to focus on those thoughts as he articulated his last request for Dean,

"I want you to go up there and remember us the way we need to be remembered. I want you to go up there and talk- I want you to read me my eulogy", Cas said calmly, his voice quiet in the silent chapel,

"Your what??!", Dean said, his voice shaking with disbelief, 

"I want you to tell me what you'll say at my funeral. My family hates me, and besides you, Sam and Jess, and Tessa, nobody else will probably even show up", Cas said, his voice gaining confidence as he spoke, 

"I need to know that at least one person at my funeral will be able to eulogize me beautifully, the way I deserved to be eulogized and remembered. Not just as some sick queer getting what they deserve, or some fuckup off a brother letting their family down another time.",

Cas voice was dripping sarcasm and yet, his words rang true, flashing Dean back to that first night at the diner, the first night he knew he was already in way over his head.

Dean nodded, taking in a big breath and desperately trying to clear the lump that had formed in his throat. Dean looked at Sammy, and Sammy nodded back at him, grounding him to this moment like an anchor on the sea. He knew that he could do this, had to do this, for Cas. He could do this, with Sammy here backing him up as always.

Dean walked slowly up to the podium, the air in the room seeming to get thinner as his approach to the podium shortened. Dean's eyes focused in and on on the room in front of him, and he half remembered walking those two small steps up onto the platform and turning towards Cas and Sam. Dean felt his hands reaching down and holding onto the podium, but his heart was in his throat, and his hands felt like they were moving on their own.

Dean snapped back into the moment, to the present, and Dean cleared his throat one last time, trying to focus himself on this moment. This second. Please don't let this be our last good day, Dean thought, wishing for anything that he knew what to say.

Dean looked at Cas then, his Cas, the former image of his once glorious self. Dean closed his eyes and pictured Cas when he first saw him, that night at the party, the music from the record player mixing together with a image of a record spinning along slowly, the soft voice of Elvis appearing out of the gloom of his thoughts like a fog. Dean focused on this image of Cas, his Cas, the smiling man he first fell in love with, walked along a sandy beach with, and opened his mouth to speak. 

"Hi- Um... Cas was my-", Dean's nervous words were barely audible as Cas interrupted him,

"No, start by introducing yourself. Like you will at my funeral so people know who you are!", Cas said bossily, his words getting a sarcastic eye roll out of Dean, Dean started up again, a sarcastic expression on his face as he started to speak again,

"Hi, I'm Dean Winchester. Cas is.. was... my boyfriend.", Dean stopped, the reality of his words smashing him up inside. He looked down at the podium intensely, staring at the wooden designs and swirls like they could give him some kind of answers, trying to keep his tears at bay, 

"Castiel Novak was the love of my life. Our love- I can't.. I...", Dean took a few shaky breaths, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. 

"Okay, Okay. I can't talk about our love story, It's.. it's... I guess I just think our love story is one that should die with the two of us. I can't get up here and talk about Cas, because Cas is more than just a few words spoken in the quiet of his aftermath."

"I can't talk about Cas, but I can talk about this. Something my brother Sammy told me once."

"I never went to college. I could never really do math. I don't know any of that, but I know this. ", Dean looked at Sam then, desperately trying not to screw this up, before turning his gaze back to Cas once more,

"There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million.", Dean said, stuttering out the numbers slowly, looking out at Cas who was looking back at him contently, before Dean looked back down at his hands again,

"What I'm trying to say is, There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set.", the church was quiet and still, and Dean finally lost it. Dean started to cry then, the tears dripping one by one solemnly down his face, but he continued, looking adoringly at Cas the whole time, his voice ringing out deafeningly across this noble chapel,

"I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Castiel Novak than he got.", By then both Cas and him were crying, Cas's tears flowing down his tired face like the rain from an eternal shower, of a rain sent from God to wipe out the Earth and start again, and Dean managed to get out his next words, over the pounding thunder and rain, above the booming and crashing of his blood in his ears and his heart in his throat,

"But, Cas, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity.", The lightning stung and smashed, and he saw it before his eyes, lighting up his visions in spots and speckles like mirage of some other world, lighting Cas up in between those flashes of light in white blue haze, coloring his eyes an electric glowing blue, before the lightning paused between the breaks of the storm, and Dean pushed back the storm, and finished what he had started all those years ago, in that diner, 

"I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.", Dean finished, The storm crescendoing, rocking and swirling the church around in front of him like a swirl of puddled splashed by the rain, and the lightning screamed, crashing together one last time before screeching to a halt, like the Heavens themselves were weeping for the loss of Castiel Novak. And Cas looked up at him between that typhoon, and Dean knew in that moment that Cas understood, That he always had, this speech was his apology. Dean let the levees break then, and he too, joined the storm raging for the loss of Castiel Novak.

Castiel Novak died eight days after his prefuneral, and the storm raged on. 


End file.
